Blessing Aghayedo

I do the night shift. When I come home in the morning, I get the children prepared for school. They normally leave around nine, a few minutes to nine. So when they leave, I have that time till, like, four when they come back. So it's long hours for me to sleep. And my husband, because his job is not stable, he leaves if he has something to do in the morning. But at night he's back before I go to work.

My youngest, she just started kindergarten last September, so that helps. When they were younger, it was tough. When I had my first and second, I wasn't working, actually. I was just home. Being at home was difficult. I have to work.

I remember when I had my first son in 2013, he was barely five months. We couldn't pay our energy [bill]. They came to turn off the lights. I was crying with a little baby of five months old. I was, like, “How is this baby going to cope in the darkness? What am I going to do? How are we going to eat?” It was that bad.

When I had my second child, I was, like, “No, I have to do something.”My husband was, like, “How are we going to do it? We don't have enough to feed ourselves. So how are we going to pay for the child care? What are we going to do?” I started as a nursing assistant then. I was like, “I’ll go p.m. and work in the afternoons.”

So, we started like that. We were paying a babysitter to watch them. But it was hard. My husband said, “Why don’t you ask them if there’s night shifts? You can do the night shift so we don’t have to take the children to the babysitter. You will stay with them during the day, and at night, I will stay with them.”

So, I started doing the night shift. I wasn't working full time. I was doing part time, because I hardly get to sleep. When I tried to sleep, one child would call for me, “Mommy. Mommy.” Then, the other one would be everywhere. It was hard.

I remember one time, one of them went to the kitchen. The little food we have in the house, was it rice fufu or garri? I can't remember. He spilled everything on the floor! I was like, “Oh my God, what are we going to eat?!” There are no foods to eat. It was tough. And I remember one time, I was sleeping, the other one went to the bathroom, took all the soap, and threw everything in the sink. Oh, my goodness. I was like, “Wow. God. These children, they don't even understand that we are trying to survive.”

Sometimes when I get to work, I'm just dozing off. I can't even open my eyes. It was hard for me. So, I struggled with our routine.

Somebody told me about Head Start that they will help me, that I can drop off the kids there. Somebody told me my oldest has to be three for me to take him, and it's just a two-hour program. I'm like, two hours is just not enough, you know? I would want more hours. So somebody said, “Do you want to try [Parents in Community Action] Early Head Start?” I was like, “Oh yeah, let me try.” So, I applied. God helped me. They accepted both of the children. I didn't have to do pickup or drop off. The bus would come and pick them up in the morning, then drop them off. It was from eight to two. That helped. But it wasn't every day. They would go three days and stay at home two days in a week. I was, like, “It’s better than nothing.” What helped me most is even during summer, they still let them go. They didn't say, “Oh, it’s summer. They are off. They should stay home for the two months.”

Then later, they didn’t have a bus driver, so parents have to do pick-up and drop-off. That's still better than nothing. So, my husband would take them in the morning when he's leaving. Then, in the afternoon, I would go and pick them up. We struggled until the third one started kindergarten. That's how I survived.

The Government Helped the Family Survive During the Pandemic

During the pandemic, the help from the government was good, especially with the health insurance. Before the pandemic, we had state insurance (Medicaid), and we used to renew every year. But during the pandemic, they just renew it automatically for us. So that is one part that I benefited most from.

We don't have to bring pay stubs, checks, and wait for them to make up their mind. It was just automatic. So, whenever there was an issue, it was easy to take the kids to see the doctor. Because during the pandemic, we were scared. I was scared. I wasn't working that much. I wasn't going to work because I was scared.

I don't want to bring COVID home. I don't know how it's going to be like for the kids, how it's going to be like for us. So, we were scared, and we had a lot of benefits then. There was a place in St. Paul I will go. They would give us diapers, they would give us wipes, they would give us food. I think some food was from the government. Some was from churches. One church even gave people computers. They were giving a lot of household stuff like laundry detergent, tissue papers.

I think there was a time the government gave us some money. I can't remember. The government gave us, they called it P-EBT cards for the children. Oh, that helps a lot. So they would give us the cards to buy foodstuff for the children. Especially during summer, when they are home. You know, when they are home, that's when they eat most.

I think I heard about the [expanded Child Tax Credit.] I don’t think I got that. I don't know how people got that. The only one I got was the one after you file your tax. I didn't get monthly payments.

There was something they were doing in my children's school, the energy assistance program. That helped, too. There was a time they gave us a form if you are unable to pay your mortgage. That helped, too. We struggled to keep our house.

When Pandemic-Era Aid Expired, Blessing and Her Husband Lost Medicaid

Now, we are still trying to survive. During the pandemic, we all had health insurance. But now, me and my husband, we don’t. They just gave it to the children. So that's another challenge we are having now. During the pandemic, I wasn’t working much. But now that I’m working more, all those benefits we used to get, we don’t get them anymore. Like the EBT card, we don’t get that anymore. Like the support we were getting here and there, those supports are no more there. So, we are trying to work more hard now.

I tried to apply but couldn’t get in.

I remember when my husband used to work a regular job, he had insurance at work. But guess what? Whenever we go for just annual physical, the bill they give us is a lot. We don't understand, why are we paying? They took money from my husband’s paycheck, but whenever we go, we still have to pay out of our pockets. That’s ridiculous. So when he lost that job, that was when we had to apply for Medicaid, and we got qualified then. But we don’t qualify anymore. They managed to keep the children. But for us, the parents, they refuse.

They said because my stepdaughter – she is in college and she, too, is working to help out. So they are like, “Oh, she's making money.” I'm like, “How much is she making? She's in college. She's not doing full-time. She's just doing part time, just a weekend thing. And you know, she, too, has her bills.” So they are like, “Oh no, we are making money.” But where is the money? I don't seem to get it. I'm like, “You guys, look at my pay stub. How am I making this money?” But you know, these people, they don't care. They just make their decision, and that's it.

I gave everything to a caseworker, but she never got back to me. Maybe I should make an appeal. I don’t know.

I’ve put off our annual physicals. I was supposed to go for surgery because I have a prolapse [bladder], but I'm not able to go now because of this insurance thing. So, it's really giving me a huge concern. It’s not causing me physical pain, but it's just uncomfortable. They said the only remedy is surgery. I’ve been in discomfort for over a year now. At the beginning, when I had the insurance, I was going to see the doctor. I have to do some therapies. I was supposed to go back for the doctor to check and see if the therapy helped or not. But I couldn't go. It didn’t help, though.

I was on a prescription stool softener. Before, I wasn’t paying out of pocket. I’m trying to pay out of pocket right now.

During the pandemic, when they would just sign us up automatically [for Medicaid], they didn’t have to ask for your pay stub. They didn’t have to check your income, your tax documents. That was good. It saved a lot of time. Oh my goodness, it made me feel good. It really helped me a lot because I went to the doctor a lot of times. It saved me a lot.

Now, the problem is, whoever is going to review your case, you don't know what the person is going to say. You don’t know if they will decide if you’re qualified. It’s like someone is judging you. They have power over you. It doesn't make you feel happy. You just feel helpless, especially when you know this person can help you, and this person don't want to help you, and you can't help yourself.

It makes you even more sad when you think of the time you did get help, how it saved you lots of money.

Blessing Wants to Go Back to School and Get a Better Job but Doesn’t See How She Could

If we have a very good job, if we are well paid and able to pay our bills and able to take care of everything. If we are not struggling. We are not living paycheck to paycheck. That will be huge for us.

My husband studied electrical engineering. He was working in that field for a company. He had insurance. But he has a 13-year-old child that he has to pay child support for. The judge in the case wanted him to pay too much. He didn’t consider the fact that he has other children. What is he going to use to feed us? How is he going to pay his own bills? So he got angry and left the job.

I enjoy my work, my job. I would love to go back to school. I started as a CNA; then, I went back to school to become a Licensed Practical Nurse. So now I want to go back to school as a Registered Nurse. So, I was just thinking about the whole thing. I want to go, but how am I going to take care of the bills? Because when I'm there, I'm not going to be working, because when I did the LPN degree, I wasn't working; it was tough for us. Going back, how do we survive? How do I pay my tuition? How do I pay even the gas to go to school? I'm thinking about everything in my head because I still believe that the more I go back to school, the more qualifications I get, the better money I'm going to make at the end of the day.

Hard Work Isn’t Enough to Survive

People shouldn't just assume that because you are working, you are making enough money. It doesn't work like that. They should know that you have bills to pay. And you have children, too, and you want to meet their needs. And you know, these children, they grow so fast. By the time you buy the winter clothes, the next winter, it doesn't fit them anymore. You buy the summer clothes this year. The next summer, it doesn't fit them anymore. So it goes with shoes, the food they are going to eat, what they are going to drink. They need to eat fruits and vegetables. They need to eat healthy. And the healthy food is much expensive. That's why a lot of people eat junk.

It's not like they want to eat junk. They don't want to. But they don't have a choice. The junk is better than nothing. So, these are the things that the government should help people with. They shouldn't just say like, “Oh, you are working, you are okay.” No. Sometimes you are working and you are not okay.

If our jobs paid us enough money, we wouldn’t need any help at all. If I earn good money, I’m not going to be looking for benefits. I’ll take care of my bills. If I go to the clinic, if I have more money, I can pay the bill. I'm not going to think about it. I'm not going to look back. I'll just say, “Okay. How much is it? There you go.” But if the money is not there, that's when I'm going to look at it. Sometimes, I go to the store, I'll get my receipts. I get my calculator. I have to do my calculation. Like, what did I buy? Because you have one two things. Why is your bill huge? Like, did they make a mistake?

So you are still working more, more, more, more, especially when you have children that are growing up. They can't help themselves for now. The jobs need to pay more. Because, if you see now, everything in the store is so expensive. Water? Juice? Everything is more expensive. But they did not increase our salary. So how do they want us to cope? When prices are going higher and higher and, we are not making more. They didn't say, “Okay, because the gas is expensive now, let us increase your pay so that we help.” Nothing. They should think about that, too. Like when things are expensive, okay, let's add something to their pay so they will be able to afford it. You understand?