Three Modern Fathers, Three Journeys, One Truth: Fatherhood is Changing

The reelection of Donald Trump brought renewed fears for many American families—especially those who are LGBTQ+, immigrant, or raising children outside of traditional norms. Rising deportations, visa rollbacks, and attacks on reproductive rights have made parenting feel even more precarious.

At the same time, a quieter shift is taking place: A new generation of fathers is stepping up—emotionally present, politically aware, and determined to build loving, stable families in uncertain times.

There’s Jeremy and Dominic DeMark, a gay couple in Michigan who navigated international surrogacy and changing immigration policies to bring their newborn twins home.

There’s Damian Borbolla, who emigrated from Argentina with toddlers and now worries—even as a U.S. citizen—about his children’s future in this country.

And there’s Mohan Sivaloganathan, the son of Sri Lankan immigrants, raising his six-year-old to embrace his heritage in a country where that’s increasingly fraught.

These three stories reflect something bigger: the rise of modern fatherhood in an era of political anxiety and cultural change.

Jeremy and Dominic DeMark: Love, Law, and LGBTQ+ Parenthood

Jeremy and Dominic DeMark always knew they wanted to be fathers. When Jeremy first came out to his mother, she cried, saying that she’d always wanted him to be a dad. “I will still be a dad,” he reassured her. 

Even before they got married, the DeMarks were researching adoption and surrogacy, meeting with agencies and studying state and federal laws. In Michigan, where they lived, paying for surrogate services was illegal. Even if they were to find a surrogate who would provide their service without pay, Michigan would list the surrogate on the birth certificate, with only the biological father included. So they turned to Mexico for surrogacy.

After six IVF attempts, two surrogates became simultaneously pregnant and gave birth to their babies Rory and Liliana. In March of this year, following two and a half months in Mexico and extensive legal processes involving both the Mexican and U.S. governments, Jeremy and Dominic brought their babies home to Michigan as U.S. citizens, with both of them listed on the birth certificates. 

Their journey reflects the joy—and the legal and cultural strain—still required for LGBTQ+ couples to become parents in much of the United States.

Now, the DeMarks share their surrogacy and parenting journeys on Instagram @Dadstimestwo, encouraging others while confronting online criticism, often centered around the idea that “children need a mother.”

“They don’t,” said Dominic. “Dads can have that paternal and maternal instinct. They can have those soppy feelings. They can cry when their babies make a cute little giggle. They can hit every single milestone with them and be that person in their lives who is always there.”

In April, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer signed a law decriminalizing surrogacy and protecting IVF—progress the DeMarks celebrate and hope will make it easier for others to follow in their footsteps.

Damian Borbolla: Immigration, Isolation, and the New American Dad 

Sixteen years ago, when Damian Borbolla and his wife first moved to the United States from Argentina for postdoctoral programs, their children were just two- and four-years-old. The transition was difficult, navigating immigration challenges on top of normal parenting demands. Their children didn’t speak English. And their son, the youngest, was still potty training and couldn’t tell child care providers when he needed the bathroom. Borbolla and his wife worked with their kids regularly to help them learn English so they could feel safe and understood even when their parents weren’t around, and enrolled them in a private Montessori school so they would have extra help adjusting.

Even the simple task of listing an emergency contact on school forms became an emotional reminder of their isolation. Growing up in Argentina, Damian spent weekends immersed in an extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. In the U.S., his kids didn’t have that. “We had to create our own group of friends, our own kind of family, built from the heart,” Damian said.  

Like many of today’s fathers, Borbolla has been more hands-on in raising his kids and thinking about their needs, including emotional and developmental needs, than the men he saw growing up. “I was more involved in their education, in every part of raising them, where in previous generations, that was the mother’s role,” said Borbolla. 

Now, at 18 and 20, Borbolla’s kids consider the U.S. home. All four members of the Borbolla family have gained U.S. citizenship. They have friends and a vibrant community around them in Salt Lake City. But in 2025, they face fresh worries: The rise of anti-immigrant sentiment and deportations, the cancellation of protected statuses, and the pause of visa programs—including the J-1 visa that originally brought the Borbollas from Argentina—have all made the U.S. feel less welcoming than it used to. Even though they are all now citizens, Borbolla says the new administration has prompted them to make sure their paperwork and documentation are complete and accessible, and he warns his kids to be careful about what they post on social media. 

Chief among Borbolla’s concerns for his children is the current political atmosphere and their mental health. “I feel like the divisions in today’s society are so deep. And when I was young, I had so many hopes and dreams for the future. I worry the future is darker for my kids,” said Borbolla.

Mohan Sivaloganathan: Legacy, Identity, and Emotional Inheritance

For Mohan Sivaloganathan, a New Jersey dad and the son of Sri Lankan immigrants, teaching his six-year-old son about the culture, history, and power of immigrants is a critical part of his hands-on parenting. His parents came from a country impacted by civil war with limited economic means, yet they regularly exhibited what he calls “radical generosity” to anyone who sat down at their kitchen table, regardless of their background. Sivaloganathan wrote about his mother’s service for Florida students during the pandemic at the Substack he co-founded, Dads for All.

“The notion of family we are teaching my son goes deeper than interdependence. There is a choice you are making day in and day out, to be there for somebody in the hard ways,” said Sivaloganathan. 

Sivaloganathan’s family is in the process of moving. It is vital for him and his wife that, regardless of what is happening on the national stage, their new community and their son’s school allow him to “embrace his name, his background, his lineage, his culture, in all the different ways.”

Though the current political climate worries him, he also considers himself fortunate to be navigating these difficulties as a modern father. Sivaloganathan says that his dad, who passed away four years ago, was somewhat disconnected from his own emotions and had limited space to reflect on a different path. “Many of my friends and peers and I are very consciously making decisions to operate in different ways,” he said. “I think that’s because we have the privilege of not being in survival mode all the time.”

The Bigger Picture: A New Kind of Fatherhood

Across these three stories is a clear trend: American fatherhood is evolving. Today’s fathers are more emotionally involved, more present, and more vulnerable than in generations past. 

Recent data shows that this trend has accelerated in the past several years. Dads between 25 and 44 are spending 2.5 hours more on child care per week than they were 10 years ago. The changes over the past 50 years are even more dramatic. Fathers today spend more than triple the amount of time caring for their children as they did in 1965. My research just prior to the pandemic showed that more dads believed teaching and showing affection to their children were more important parts of fatherhood than providing for them financially. 

But dads are taking on greater involvement at a moment when parenting in general comes with greater worry—about immigration, legality, belonging, and mental health, especially in the backdrop of a second Trump administration. Still, Dominic, Jeremy, Damian, and Mohan show us what this new era of fatherhood looks like. 

It is resilient. It is nurturing. And it is rising to meet a world that needs more of both.

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